The Bad Roommate in Your Head
Happy New Year! This article isn’t going to be yet another post about resolutions and goal setting. Instead, I want to talk a bit about the voice in our heads. We’ve all got them!
My inspiration comes from the “Wellness Upside Down” podcast from which I’ve borrowed the name “The Bad Roommate in Your Head”. My neck got a workout while I listened to the episode, as I never stopped nodding in agreement. It was a message that I needed to hear. I believe it is a message that we all need to hear.
What is the Bad Roommate in Your Head?
Each one of us has a bad roommate in our heads. This roommate might sound different to each one of us. Personally, I have two distinct versions of the bad roommate in my head.
The first is negative self-talk. Easier to recognize, it is the thoughts such as “I’m too fat,” “I’m stupid,” etc. These thoughts may cause us to feel fear, humiliation, shame, guilt or sadness. If someone said these things to us, we would quickly dismiss them as being mean and wrong. But when we say this to ourselves, for some unknown reason, we listen to it, take the thoughts as the truth and let them stop us from reaching our goals, achieving greatness, or simply being happy.
The second role of the bad roommate is sneakier, perhaps even harder to define and recognize. New Year’s resolution time is the perfect time for this bad roommate to come out of hiding.
Example:
Jordan says, “I’m going to get up early every day to get my workout in!”
Bad roommate says:
You don’t have the time
Just sleep a bit later
You should do …. instead
No one is going to know if you don’t workout
How many times have any of us listened to the bad roommate here? More times than I can count! Bad roommate didn’t let me think about the good that would come from working out. The increased energy I’d have post-workout would far outweigh the extra, and likely choppy, minutes of sleep I might get.
This bad roommate wants to hold us back, to keep things at the status quo, and prevent us from the positive outcomes that might be lying ahead.
Taming the Bad Roommate
We are not our bad roommates. We are not our thoughts. We have to learn to detach from the bad roommate’s voice. A quick Google search will provide many options. BUT! Before you get lost in the search results, I’m going to ask you to do one thing. Just one!
Become aware of your bad roommate’s voice. That’s it. Just notice it.
After a day or two of just noticing, jot down some details about the experience.
How often did you notice the voice? What did the bad roommate say?
I’m a Wizard
No, I’m not really a wizard. But I am a huge Harry Potter fan (some might say nerd). In the book/movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the RIDDIKULUS spell is introduced. Riddikulus is a spell used against boggarts. The caster must think of something funny while casting this spell. If successful, it forces the boggart to take the shape of whatever the caster was thinking about. As boggarts feed on fear and are defeated by laughter, the object of the spell, ultimately is to make the boggart laughable.
This clip from the movie shows some examples of what the young wizards are afraid of and how the Riddikulus spell turns it into something ridiculous. For example, someone afraid of spiders pictures a giant spider on roller skates.
Why am I telling you this? This is how I am practicing being aware of and detaching myself from my bad roommate. Sometimes I picture it on a punching bag. I mentally toss on my gloves and start boxing! Other times, I have pictured the voice as a pickle (I really, really hate pickles), and I hear a garbage disposal chopping it up! Even taking the time to think of an example like this helps me NOT fall back to sleep in the morning, so it’s helping me get up and get that workout in.
(I have also tried just naming the voice. “Hello, Fungi. I hear you, but I’m not interested.”)
Each time I recognize the bad roommate, it is getting easier to ignore it. Give it a shot.
Then start tackling those 2023 goals.
They will be easier without the influence of your bad roommate.
Shout out to Dr. Neal Smoller and Mark Decicco and the work they are doing through the Wellness Upside Down podcast.
